


Crossing (State) Lines

by thegreatpumpkin



Series: A Heart Can't Be Helped [4]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Twincest, psychic twins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 21:52:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4279239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatpumpkin/pseuds/thegreatpumpkin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I need you" means different things to different people. Or: you can only bite your tongue for so long. Or: a road trip is not the best time for an argument.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crossing (State) Lines

They spent the day exploring St. Louis—history museums for Elrohir, science for Elladan, mandatory photos in front of the Gateway Arch. Elrohir had spent the entire time driving his brother to distraction, though not entirely on purpose.

It had started at lunch, when he'd flirted a little too intently with the waiter. It wasn't out of character for Elrohir, but Elladan was not amused. "Down, boy," he’d murmured in a distinctly warning tone, as soon as the man was out of earshot.

Elrohir had smiled, not entirely apologetic. "Force of habit. You know what I really want." He studied his menu and added—in a much lower tone, a smirk turning up the corners of his mouth— "Or if you don't, I'll remind you later."

And then, seemingly unaware, he'd run his fingertips over the bruise at the base of his throat—the bruise that Elladan had put there the night before, in a brief, uncharacteristic moment of audacity. Elladan might not have noticed the gesture if it hadn't been for the conversation that preceded it, but it lit a spark of heat in him, and he'd had to look away.

After that he couldn't _help_ noticing. Frequently throughout the course of the day, Elrohir would say something to him, then finger the spot distractedly. At first, Elladan thought he was bothered by it or even that it hurt, but then realization struck— _he was touching the bruise whenever he wanted to touch Elladan instead._

Once he realized that, it became difficult to focus on their sightseeing.

He felt...braver today, or at least more distant from the things that worried him. Maybe tonight he could—do things properly, make up for last night’s hesitation. The thought was a slow burn in the back of his mind, building up little by little until he could hardly concentrate on anything else. The state park where they were staying the night was an hour further along their route, which was bad enough; and even though Elrohir spent the hour with his nose in a book, he also spent it with his hand resting just above Elladan’s knee. It was distracting, and maddening, and when they finally got there Elladan had never been so glad to see a faux-weathered park sign in his life.

But when they pulled into the campground, there was some sort of event for retirees that took over the majority of the spaces, and they had to make due with what was left—a tiny plot sandwiched between a family of four and an old couple in a pop-up camper who were here for the event. In true Midwest fashion, the neighbors on both sides were far too friendly and far too interested in their business. They were both polite, of course—their parents had taught them to be—but they made their excuses and fled to the tent before John and Midge managed to drag their _entire_ life stories out of them.

Elrohir didn’t even try to touch him while there was still the sound of movement beyond the tent walls, knowing full well the reaction he’d get. Elladan would have expected the retirees to retire earlier (Elrohir rolled his eyes at the pun), but it was midnight before the party started breaking up. He was nearly asleep when Elrohir rolled on top of him and laid a gentle hand over his mouth—not that _he_ was the one who needed help keeping the volume down. So much for doing things properly, or making up for—well—anything.

Elladan thought, not for the first time, that maybe the universe was trying to tell him something. The need for silence meant he had to settle for so much less than what he wanted—than what _they_ wanted. Even Elrohir’s careful shifting against him made the air mattress squeak alarmingly, considering how close they were to the campers on either side.

When a child started crying—sounding like she was _directly_ outside their tent—Elladan nearly jumped out of his skin. Elrohir stopped what he was doing, and they both waited, tense and listening. A tired voice shushed and soothed, but the crying went on and on; Elladan wanted to bang his head against something. _How is this not a sign?_ Even after the noise stopped and Elrohir started to move again, Elladan could not relax. He held his breath every time the mattress made a sound, certain they’d be waking everyone, that they were being carelessly obvious.

At last Elrohir sighed in defeat, then kissed him and rolled away. _Tomorrow night?_

Elladan sighed too. _If the next campground looks anything like this, we’re pulling off the side of the road and sleeping in the car. I promise._ Elrohir huffed a laugh, then settled in to sleep.

Despite the promise, Elladan wondered briefly if he shouldn’t be grateful for the circumstances. _If this wasn’t doomed from the start, it wouldn’t be this hard, would it?_

But then he thought of Elrohir being at school, of living in separate cities for three years, of trying to pretend like he was still a normal functioning person without his brother around. _That_ had been hard. This? This was a fucking _vacation_ , literally and figuratively. Two weeks of Elrohir’s undivided attention, and he was going to get hung up about a few minor mishaps? No. It didn’t have to be that way.

Besides, if he stopped pushing Elrohir away, maybe he wouldn’t push him all the way into another state this time.

***

"Arwen says to tell you—I’m quoting here—she says ‘tell Elladan I am going to pull off his fingernails one by one until I get my good speakers back.’"

"I don’t know what she’s talking about!"

"She said you’d say that." Elrohir smirked a little, reading from his phone. "‘He has until you guys get back to tell me where they are, or else I’m welcoming him home with pliers.’ I think she’s serious."

" _Theoretically_ , if she went off to school and left them at Mom and Dad’s for two years, she obviously didn’t want them and I wouldn’t be surprised if they got given away to someone who was actually going to use them." He glanced away from the road briefly, then realized Elrohir was typing. "Wait, don’t tell her that—"

"Too late." Elrohir snorted at the response. "She says she’ll break into the apartment and find them herself if she has to."

"You traitor! Anyway, she knows Mom and Dad have emergency keys, she doesn’t actually need to break in."

"Sure, but that’s not as destructive or as threatening."

Elladan sighed dramatically. "Remember when she was sweet? What happened to that?"

"I really don’t. Are you sure that was our sister?" Elrohir checked his phone, snorted again, but didn’t read it out this time.

"I hate when you guys conspire against me." Elladan elbowed him. "You’re my twin, aren’t you supposed to conspire _with_ me?"

"She’s better at it, sorry. Besides, we conspire plenty." He looked at the phone again. "And we’re not even talking about you, the speaker thing was just a side comment. She’s sending me apartment listings."

"Violent _and_ nosy. No wonder she’s Grandma’s favorite."

"Well, it wasn’t entirely unasked-for. She likes looking at real estate websites so I told her to let me know if she saw anything good. There’s a couple of places she sent that are in my price range, I think." Elladan felt suddenly, curiously dizzy—and breathless, as if all the air had been sucked out of the car. Elrohir, oblivious, was looking something up on his phone. "What do you think about Kings Mill? There’s a place that looks pretty nice, I could afford a studio if I pick up some more hours at Vino’s…"

Elrohir kept talking, but Elladan couldn’t focus on the words. He changed lanes to pass a semi, and somehow all he could hear was the clicking of the turn signal and a sort of roaring in his ears.

"Elladan?" Elrohir was looking at him, one eyebrow raised. If he couldn’t read what Elladan was feeling, well, maybe it was because Elladan didn’t know himself. It was like being filled with static.

He blinked, managed to find his voice. "You’re looking at apartments?"

Elrohir smiled. "I know you’re not going to kick me out or anything. I just thought I’d keep an eye out instead of waiting until I was desperate."

 _Desperate_ , thought Elladan, and the static began to resolve itself into something more concrete. _Keep an eye out now, while you’re still catching up from being gone, instead of waiting until you’re_ desperate _to get away from me again._

Elrohir couldn’t hear the exact words, but he’d felt the emotional shift sure enough. "Hey," he said softly, reaching out to lay a hand on Elladan’s arm. "What’s—"

He didn’t get to finish the sentence. "You can't—" Elladan burst like a dam, the effect of biting his tongue one too many times. "You can't just _leave_ me again!"

Elrohir jerked his hand back. "Go for the throat, why don't you," he said, quiet and pained.

Elladan didn’t lower his voice. "What do you want me to say? It's so easy for you, but it _isn't_ for me. When you came home I thought—"

Elrohir's temper flared; it was almost audible in Elladan's mind, like the sound of a match dropped into a wastepaper basket. Perhaps they'd both bitten back words too often, though Elladan was not objective enough at the moment to realize it.

" _Easy_. You think it's easy for me? You think _any_ of this is easy?" Elrohir made a short, sharp gesture of dismissal in his peripheral vision. "I guess you do think that. That's what you're really afraid of. That I’m not serious about this. That I don't need you as much as you need me."

Elladan's hands clenched and unclenched on the steering wheel. After a long silence he said, quietly but darkly, "Well, do you think _I_ could move eight hours away from you?"

"Now? No. But three years ago? If you needed to, yeah." Elrohir sighed. "You _know_ I would have stayed if I could. It's not my fault my advisor got a better job! I thought we were past this. How long do I have to apologize for it?"

"I thought we were past it too. But then you decided to go apartment shopping without even telling me—"

"In the same city! In the same _neighborhood_ , for fuck's sake. And I wasn't _not_ telling you. I just assumed you'd expect—"

Elladan risked a brief glance over at his brother; he was touching the bruise again, fretfully. The sight made him ache, but it didn't make him any less angry. "Expect what? That living with me would eventually get unbearable?"

"Oh my _god_ , Elladan, I thought you of all people would get this!" If they hadn't been in the car, Elrohir would have been pacing, throwing his arms wide in agitation. Here his motions were more restrained, but no less expressive, all his frustration written in the movements of his hands. "You're the one who's so worried about someone figuring us out. You have a one-bedroom apartment! I can't crash on my brother's couch forever."

Elladan recoiled, furious. "You've never _once_ slept on the—"

" _That's my point!_ " Elrohir shouted back. They looked away from one another, breathing hard, full of anger; Elrohir stared fiercely out the window while Elladan glared at the road, clenching their jaws in exactly the same way. After several moments, Elrohir—quiet again, but in a decidedly dangerous tone—said, "Anyway, do you _really_ want to get into who needs who more?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Elladan matched his volume, hissing back at him.

" _Please_. We’re hundreds of miles away from anyone we know, and I still have to _beg_ you to touch me. At home I thought you were just waiting till we could get away—and then out here I thought, okay, you’re having some kind of moral crisis, that’s understandable—but _fuck_ , Elladan, there’s always another reason."

"It’s not like that—" he tried to say, but Elrohir kept right on going.

"I would never push this on you. You get that, right? The only reason I waited this long was because I thought you didn’t want it, or didn’t want to act on it. _Years_ ago, I would have—if I thought you—but never mind. Lately it seemed like you did want it, but you were just afraid of getting caught. And I believed that—I mean, hell, you probably even believe it. But when I try to do something to make it less _glaringly fucking obvious_ so that you can be with me and still sleep at night, suddenly _that_ becomes the wedge between us instead." He didn’t say this last part out loud, but it came through as clearly as if he had: _You think you need me, but you need your excuses more._

Elladan took his fury out on the road, driving too fast, dodging traffic in a way that no doubt spread his rage around to several of the other drivers. Misery loved company, after all. "Have you even thought for _five seconds_ about what a _shitstorm_ it would be if someone found out? That’s not an _excuse_ , it’s—no, you know what? Never mind. That doesn’t even matter, because you’re full of shit. You know what we _could_ have done? We _could_ have started looking for somewhere with two bedrooms. Because us sharing an apartment to save on rent would be the least suspicious thing in the whole goddamn _universe_ , but somehow _that_ didn’t occur to you." They were alike in their anger: he threw back all of the fury Elrohir had sent his way with a fair amount of his own. _You think you need me, but you need your space more._

It was a miracle Elrohir wasn’t throwing off sparks. He started to say something, then bit it down, coming up with only, " _Fuck you_ , Elladan. Just—fuck you." He turned towards the window, picking up his book and burying himself in it. Elladan turned up the radio and tried to glare holes in the asphalt ahead.

After twenty minutes of stony silence, he pulled the GPS from its cradle on the dash and tossed it into Elrohir’s lap. "Look and see if there’s a Super 8 or something nearby," he said shortly. "I can’t handle the tent tonight."

Elrohir punched it in, reset the route, shoved the device back into its cradle, and returned to his book without saying a word. Well, if they weren’t speaking, at least they could do it in air conditioning.

In another twenty minutes Elladan had a key card in hand and his duffel over his shoulder. He left Elrohir silently looking for something in the trunk and let himself into the room, propping the door with the door bar. The duffel was dumped inattentively onto one of the beds; Elladan turned on the air conditioning unit and stared absently at the thermostat until Elrohir came in and put the bar back, letting the door fall closed with a _thunk._

They stood still at opposite ends of the small room, not quite looking at one another.

This was the time when they usually made up, or at least started being more sorry than angry. Elrohir was always the first to act, always the first to push—but also always the first to give in after they argued. Elladan waited, holding his breath without quite realizing; but Elrohir was waiting too. The moment stretched.

And then Elrohir shook his head, pressed his lips together in disappointment, and took half a step towards the unclaimed bed. Elladan was suddenly frantic, but he didn’t know what to _do_ about it. He didn’t know how to—what he should—how he could possibly—

But that wasn’t true. He did know. He must have known, because in another moment he had Elrohir pushed up against the door, his face pressed against the curve of Elrohir’s neck. Elrohir made a low, unhappy sound; but he put his arms around Elladan instead of pushing him away, and turned his head so that his cheek rested against Elladan’s hair.

"I’m sorry," Elladan murmured, wretchedly, against his collarbone. "Anything you want, anything, I promise—"

"I don’t want it because you feel _guilty,_ Elladan!" His voice was soft but anguished. " _Listen_ for once. I’m not mad at you because you don’t feel okay about this. Just— _tell_ me you don’t want to. Tell yourself. If you keep bringing up problems, I’m going to keep trying to find solutions, and I just—" His hands clenched and unclenched in the fabric of Elladan’s shirt. "No is good enough. No is all you have to say. I’m not trying to leave you, I’m just trying not to put _pressure_ on you. I know, that’s all I ever do, but this time I swear—"

Elrohir was distressed, but Elladan had calmed as he spoke. Now Elladan kissed him, softly, _softly_ , and said, "Is yes good enough?"

"I can’t do halfway, El—"

Elladan interrupted him, gaining momentum now. "We’re a very long way from home. And there are no nosy neighbors, no crying children, no air mattresses—" He dug his phone out of his pocket, held the power button until it chimed and went dark. "No badly timed calls. I’m out of excuses."

Something sparked in Elrohir’s eyes. "You need to charge that, your battery’s low," he breathed, watching as Elladan chucked the phone onto the bed beside his bag.

"Later."

"After…?" The word hung between them, full of tension and promise.

Elladan pinned him back against the door again, pressing a thigh between Elrohir’s as he kissed him, which was answer enough. Elrohir kissed back ferociously, grinding against him, though he broke away soon enough, breathless. "No, I want—can you please just _fuck_ _me already_?"

That was hardly a request Elladan could argue with. He groaned softly, stepping back. "On the bed. Now."

Elrohir didn’t move right away, as if the door at his back was the only thing holding him up. Then he drew a long, shuddery breath and moved to obey, getting his shirt halfway off before something occurred to him. "Shit, I left my other bag out in—"

"Got it covered." Elladan dug in his duffel bag. " _Bed_."

Elrohir shivered, licking his lips as he flung himself down onto the empty bed. "Just so you know, _that_ was your sexy voice. In case you’re still looking for it." He caught the lube as it was pitched at him, but the condom fell short and he had to roll and stretch halfway off the bed to retrieve it. "Wait, you had these in there the whole time?"

Elladan stepped out of his jeans, then crawled catlike up the bed, grinning. "Well. I didn’t bring you out here to enjoy the scenery."

Elrohir, recognizing his own words thrown back at him, started to laugh, biting Elladan’s shoulder when he came within range. "You _motherfucker!_ If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have been so worried about—"

" _Why are you still wearing pants_ ," said Elladan in a way that made it not precisely a question, and set to remedying the problem. "Also, can I point out that that is a really inappropriate insult just at the moment—"

"Focus," Elrohir laughed, pulling him close.

"I am _very_ focused. Very—" he dropped a kiss on Elrohir’s throat— " _very_ — " another one further down— "focused." He curved his mouth over the bruise at the base of Elrohir’s neck, tonguing over the spot the way he’d wanted to do since he first noticed Elrohir touching it. Elrohir dug his nails into Elladan’s shoulders, parting his legs to settle his brother in the space between them.

"Look, I am usually— _god,_ Elladan—all for foreplay, but I really wasn’t kidding about the whole ‘just fuck me already’ situation." He shoved the lube into Elladan’s hand, tearing the condom wrapper with his teeth and pushing him back to roll it on him.

Elladan held still for it, then folded Elrohir up with gentle hands, sitting back on his heels to prepare him. "All for foreplay? You liar. You are the most impatient person in bed, I swear."

"All things considered," Elrohir said, eyes closed and breathing shallow, "I have been _incredibly_ patient."

Elladan bent low, brushing their lips together. "Fair enough." Then he was pressing in, and Elrohir was biting his lip and pulling his hair and filling the space between them with _yes, Elladan, please._

“Shh, Rohir, I’ve got you.”

But that was only half of the equation—

_Shh, Elladan. I’ve got you._

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT, was that a happy ending? Well, we can't have that. Guess that means there's gonna be more of this nonsense at some point.
> 
> Also! snuskens drew [this lovely art of modern E&E](http://hinkypunk.co.vu/post/130764854998/snuskens-i-tried-drawing-elrohir-and-elladan), and I was torn about which story to link it from...but I'm putting it here because I like to imagine it as the "mandatory photos in front of the Gateway Arch" mentioned in the first line :D


End file.
